The other day, I read this article which states that parents lose approximately 44 whole days of sleep in the first year of their child’s life.
Can we just talk about that for a second?
44 DAYS. That’s 1,056 hours.
Personally, it’s been over 6 months since I’ve slept more than 4 hours straight. Needless to say, I’m tired . . . exhausted . . . sleep deprived.
The long-term effects of sleep deprivation are real. It drains your mental abilities and puts your physical health at risk.
Science has linked poor sleep with all kinds of health problems: weakened immunity, high blood pressure, risk for diabetes, weight gain, risk of heart disease, poor balance, etc.
And the mental effects include: memory issues, trouble with thinking and concentration, mood changes. Not to mention psychological risks of anxiety, depression, paranoia, and maybe even hallucinations or suicidal thoughts.
I’ve always considered myself to be a pretty patient person, but when you partner all of these risk factors with the hormonal changes that naturally happen after having a baby, it’s no wonder I’ve been struggling more than I’d like to admit lately.
In my frequent middle-of-the-night searches for people who relate, I continue to come across this well-meaning piece of advice: “It’s just a phase.” They say that before you know it, your kids will be grown up – not needing you anymore – and you’ll be sad.
Sure, this IS just a phase. But hearing that doesn’t make it any less difficult when you’re in the thick of it. Hearing that makes me feel like I have to explain away my feelings.
Somewhere along the way, I developed this idea that sadness, frustration and anger are wrong. Almost, sinful.
If I’m irritated, then I’m too sensitive. Sad, then I’m ungrateful.
I’m not sure where this idea came from. Perhaps if I examined my life more closely, I could create a paper trail, so to speak. But it doesn’t really matter, because it’s wrong either way.
Yes, sometimes it’s good to have a change in perspective.
But what if we just acknowledged that some seasons of life ARE difficult? What if we let ourselves feel the frustration, and even sadness, for a while, instead of letting it make us feel guilty? What if we made space for people to share their feelings without offering solutions?
Being a parent means that you will experience the purest joys and the deepest fears all in the same day, maybe even the same hour.
Joy and sorrow, laughter and tears… These feelings are allowed to coexist.
This messy life that we’re living? It’s complicated and hard and not always what you expect. But there’s beauty there, too. There are small blessings that you can’t imagine living without.
And that, my friends, is the silver lining.